The Hex on Hex (Studio Stupidity) rant,, movie,, film,, western,, steam, punk Damn it Hollywood, you screwed up another franchise. The movie murder of the month belongs to Jonah Hex, the latest in a long line of comic book adaptations that refuses to have anything to do with handling a character properly.
Now, I don't usually care too much about changes from the source material, because I understand that an adaptation is just that, an adaptation. If a character has to stop being a child killer in order for an audience to sympathise with them, then I can understand. If elements of an individual need to be toned down for budget reasons, or increased for entertainment value, I go with it, because I can always re-read the source material, and let the masses have their mindless fun.
However, chances are, a film adaptation is going to be the only time most people see a character onscreen, and if a studio fucks it up, that character will be buried in putrid pile of pop culture puss, then fans of character will fail to gain credibility from the public for liking it in the first place. That means if a movie looks like it'll go out of its way to be nothing like it's source material, and hurt the image of the character it's promoting, fans have a duty to avoid it.
So with that out of the way, enjoy this trailer of Jonah Hex...
...WHAT THE HELL??!! What the hell studio?! Are you in a rush to recreate the magic of Ghostrider and Daredevil? Who are you aiming this shit towards? People who grew up loving Will Smith's WILD WILD WEST movie and now want a darker experience?
Plain and simple, don't see this, this is going to suck. I know it's going to suck. I'm the one person in my city who constantly defends Ben Affleck's Daredevil and Nicholas Cage's Ghostrider, and I can tell you that this film will suck. How do I know this? Read on:
STEAM PUNK
It contains elements of steam punk. Name me one good movie involving steam punk. It can't be done. For those of you that aren't in the know, steam punk is the idea that the future came sooner than it did in our reality, and advanced machines popped up during the Victorian Era that ran on steam instead of electricity. Famous steam punk films include:
-Wild Wild West
-The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
-Van Helsing
-The Prestige
-And arguably, very arguably, Back to the Future Part III
Yes, are any of these considered classics? Did any do well enough to warrant a sequel? No. Adding steam punk elements into a movie is a surer ingredient for disappointment than adding a video game character into it. So when Jonah Hex carries massive hand cranked machine guns on his horse or some pissed off confederate tried to blow up Washington, just roll your eyes and change the channel. (Besides the trailer, I know nothing about this movie, but knowing the genre, I can say it's a safe bet that the South will want to blow up something big.)
MEGAN FOX
The next reason this film will suck, Megan Fox. Truth is, I don't hate Megan Fox, I'm a guy, I think it's biologically impossible to hate her, but the sad truth is, she doesn't show much acting talent. Her roles so far have only consisted of running while yelling, (but not screaming,) and acknowledging how hot she is. I don't completely blame Megan Fox for this, since a lot of times it's the directors and writers who put her in the 'only eye candy' position, but the fact that she's in a film means that more screen time will be devoted to eye candy than plot or character development. While this was acceptable in the 90's, the average film goer's tastes have improved and we demand more from our comic book adaptations.
ADDING POINTLESS SUPERPOWERS TO THE CHARACTER
Yet another reason that this will suck, Jonah Hex can raise the dead. Let me say that again, JONAH HEX CAN RAISE THE DEAD!!! Suck it source material. Guess what? Jonah Hex doesn't have any super powers. What the Hell! Jonah Hex, is like Blondie (A.K.A. The Man With No Name,) or any of John Wayne's characters, or Clint Eastwood in general. Think of Frank Castle (a.k.a. the Punisher) in the Wild West and you've got the core of this character down. He's a tough as nails mercenary who wrestles with his morals and tries to do the right thing when he can. When he can't, there's lots of booze, liquor and ladies to keep his mind occupied.
So instead of doing some traditional John Wayne or Clint Eastwood film and paying tribute to the famous westerns (which are due for a comeback by the way,) the studio in their wisdom decided that they should make the character stand out by getting him to RAISE THE DEAD. That's like getting John McLain to shoot lasers out of his eyes, it doesn't need to happen. HALF THE CHARACTERS FACE HAS BEEN DESTROYED, he's going to stand out.
Now being a comic book about the old west, of course some forms of mysticism will pop up from time to time, usually dealing with the natives rituals. But they remain low key and allow for an in-issue way that might explain their ways through science, or another out. But this is so out of character, it's like saying Batman can grow Bat-wings and fly at will. I'm beginning to think that some executive producer or writer wanted this movie to fail, or was obsessed with the now deceased show, Pushing Daisies.
WHAT TO EXPECT
At this point, I'm going to give the director, actors, and special effects guys the benefit of the doubt, and assume that the film will be highly confident, but provide nothing Oscar Worthy, since I can't fairly judge those from the trailer. Knowing that Warner Brothers is releasing this, it'll probably start off with a bang. So expect a really cool opening fight scene, but then it will devolve into half-hearted plot filled with underdeveloped characters, a slow plot which the audience will be two steps ahead of the whole time, and a few unneeded scenes trying to make us believe that Megan Fox is a strong independent woman. Overall, it will not be the worst comic book movie ever made, but it will be compared to Daredevil, Schumacher's Batman, and whatever forgettable crap we had in the 90's.
The movie will be strongly advertised, and mindless masses will see it, only to say that it's not that good, and then we can all look forward to finding the DVD in a bargain bin near you. No sequel will be made, but in eight years they'll probably be working on a remake.
WHY AM I UPSET?
Because a Jonah Hex is not hard to get right. Jonah hex doesn't have any definitive stories about his character. He works best doing stand alone issues and arcs, riding into town, being paid to take out the badguys, than inspiring some good while doing it. I could honestly throw together a better Jonah Hex story in my sleep, than the people in charge to do with their huge ass budget.
Do yourself a favour, and when the movie comes out, instead of wasting your time and money to see it, just read the original comics. They're nothing groundbreaking, but they're really well done, and you'll feel nostalgic for John Wayne films, and Firefly.
Before I go, I'll leave you with some pages, retelling Jonah Hex's origins. They're simple, straight to the point, and more powerful than this movie will ever hope to be.
First of all, I never read any Jonah hex comics, but I understood from Wikipedia and a pal of mine, that he's a pretty cool character. Second, his origin (if Wikipedia is to be believed) was different and he got his scar from a searing tomahawk pressed to his face. The above, must be some kind of reboot or misses out on that part.
Also, from the trailer, although flashy and action packed with Megadeth(?) guitar riffs, it won't be much of a movie, mediocre at best and impressing 10 year old kids.
As for the steampunk part, I believe that it can be done right on the big screen, but only if it's done by the right people, whomever they may be.
Ya, I read the Wikipedia ad too. I've even read the old comics and knew about the ritual scar. Sadly, I couldn't get any pages with him getting the image. However, this comes from the rebooted comic, it was said to be his origin. But they might have cheated with time and let a long time pass without telling the reader. (Comics are infamous for that.)
Steampunk was done right, in animation, but live action has yet to achieve it.
Steampunk was done right in animation back in 2004 when Steamboy was released, other than that, I never heard of. Maybe someone else did.
As for the origin of Hex, what can I say, DC had no continuity (or at least a stable one) so it's normal to change some things here and there. Other than that, the market seems to be flooded with superhero/comic book movies, and the trend might grow really old, really fast. Such are the effects of over saturation, no matter how good or bad the product.
DC has a strange continuity, even the editors don't know what happened or not most of the time. I agree that the market has seen an increase in super-powerd movies, but I'm not opposed to more non-super-powered graphic novels coming onto the screen. If they do more adaptations from source material like Ghost World or Ed Brubaker's Criminal, I don't think it would feel overcrowded.
